Ready to Lose
by detective-smartypants
Summary: 'You meet an angry boy. A boy who's been treated badly by the world, a boy that no one knows, that no one understands. A boy who's lost his way and is tired of trying. A boy who is fully prepared to take you down with him.' One Shot.


**A/N: I actually sort of feel a little sadistic for writing this but I watched the OTH school shooting episode tonight and this just sort of happened when It was over and I was listening to sad music and **_**supposed **_**to be doing my university work. **

**It's a sad'un. **

…

It happens like this: You wake up and get ready and you pack your bag for school and say goodbye to Stef, who's staying at home with Jude and it's like any normal day. You kiss him on the head and tell him you'll be home soon and you head on your way, backpack on tow. It's mid june and the school is hot and sweaty and everyone is loud and buzzing, excited for summer. You go to first period and learn about maths, and doodle pictures of eyes on your journal and listen to girls in the back of the class gossip about some guy who got dumped and went crazy and you roll your eyes. You sit through second period and write a story about a girl who was once lost and somehow manages to be found and you wonder if Timothy will know that it's a story about _you. _Someone whispers that some kid called Andy got beat up yesterday. _He's such a freak, _she says, _god, did you see his stupid glasses? _And you roll your eyes.

It happens like this: You walk slowly to the lunch area outside, wondering who you're going to sit with. You are holding your tray of food in front of you and glancing around, searching for Mariana, when you hear something behind you. It takes a minute to register…

A laugh?

No, A scream.

A scream and…

Everyone is screaming, running in different directions, tears in their eyes and scattering like frightened pigeons and some of them are running on to the beach, some of them hide under the tables and you stand there, rooted to the spot. Confused.

A minute ago you were looking for Mariana to eat lunch and…and now…

You can hear your heart beating in your chest, loud and clear and angry and there is no one. Not a sound, not a whimper. Nothing.

and then

"You should have run like the rest of them!"

You don't know the voice, you barely _register _the voice, and you don't move. Not an inch.

You listen to your heart.

Beat. Beat. Beat.

"You, Juvie girl. I'm talking to you."

Juvie girl?

You.

You don't want to move. Blink.

Everyone ran, but you're just standing there, holding your tray like you're going to eat lunch and then you realise.

The sound.

A bang.

_He has a gun. _

Your arms fall like dead weights and the tray tumbles to the ground, you hear the water bottle rolling away, you hear the sandwich splat against the floor.

You turn to look at him. _Alex? Anthony? No….Andy. His name is Andy. _The gun is pointed straight at your face and you flinch, just a little. Your heartbeat is louder. Faster.

_BeatBeatBeatBeat. _

"A-Andy?" You whisper it, but you'd wanted to shout and you hate your voice for doing that.

He nods his head valiantly. "Wow. Someone knows my name."

You don't know what to say. What _do _people say in these situations? when there's gun pointed towards them?

Whatever you do say could be your last words.

"You don't….why are you doing this?" You ask, and your voice is stronger than it was before.

He laughs, dark, deep, maniacally. "_Why? Why am I doing this?_"

You nod, slowly.

"Try coming into this place every single day and having _no one _know who you are. They never look at me, they never _think _about me. Then when they _do_ notice me, it's when they want to call me names, spit in my face, knock me don and down and down and…it's _exhausting_."

You blink for a moment, staring at him, thinking of the words you want to say but unable to form a sentence. But then you realise that it's just him and you and…

You might be able to do something right.

"I get it," You force it out, like throwing a dodgeball. "I do, I get it. I'm Juvie girl here. I'm not part of any of these crowds, I'm nothing but a girl they can whisper things about…I'm…I _get it_."

He laughs again, but this time it's more desperate, less angry. "You're _just _like them. Little miss prom queen, little miss pretty face with two boyfriends and a nice family."

And then _you're _angry. "You're not the only one with problems here, Andy. Everyone here…_everyone_…has stuff to deal with. I have a nice family but I've had to deal with nothing but crap to get them. I don't have _two _boyfriends, I don't have _any_. You know the kids who make fun of you…they have problems, too. They have angry parents with high expectations, body image issues, loss…everyone here has their own thing. Sure, they treat us like crap…they step on us like we mean nothing but its…it's just high school."

"It's _just _high school?" He spits and he waves the gun in front of your face again, stepping closer. "It's more than _just _high school. It's _hell_."

_beatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeatbeat _

"It's….it's only a few years of your life, andy. You have so much left to do."

"Not now." He pants, and you see tears in his eyes. He's scared. "Not after _this._"

"Have you hurt anyone?" You ask and he shakes his head.

"Then you'll be okay, Juvie isn't bad and you won't get long and.."

"And what? My parents disowned me when they realised I was the school punch bag. My life is…it's over."

You shake your head, fast. "No. It's never over as long as you keep _going_."

"You don't understand." He whispers and he puts his finger on the trigger.

It goes like this: This morning, you left and kissed Jude in the head and you think about what will happen when they tell him you got shot. This morning you left a family you never realised you needed until only a couple of weeks ago and now you think you'll never see them again. You think of Stef's supportive hug, Lena's supportive words, Marianas supportive giggle, Brandon's piano music, Jesus' jokes, Jude's future with the right kind of family. You think of it all and you watch as he points the gun towards your chest, tears rolling down his cheek and all you can hear is your heart and your breath.

It's slower now.

Beat. Beat. Beat.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

And then things happen so quickly…you feel something on your chest but you ignore it because then he turns the gun towards himself and pulls the trigger and you don't make a sound.

You see blood, you hear screams.

You. Do. Not. Move.

Not until you see her, running across the campus with a horrified look on her face and she's screaming your name.

"Callie? Oh, Callie! Callie, are you okay? Callie, honey."

Her masses of curls bouncing up and down as she runs, tears track down her cheeks, her voice is loud and terrified like you've never heard it before.

But you're okay, and you don't understand why she's screaming so loud.

Not until your knees go weak and you fall into her arms and she cradles you, laying you down on the ground and whispering your name over and over again and she pulls her hand back and you see it

blood.

But you're…

"Stay with me, sweetheart. Stay with me, honey. It's going to be okay…god, where is the ambulance?"

"L-L-Lena? W-Wh?" you barely manage to get it out, it's a stutter and not a word. But she understands.

"It's okay, you're going to be okay. You've been hit but you'll be okay."

You feel cold spread its way through your bones like you've never felt it before.

Ice replaces your bones.

Sludge replaces your blood.

Your eyes feel heavy.

"Callie, please wake up, please honey. Wake. Up."

It goes like this: you wake up in the morning and you go to school like you always do and you study and doodle and smile at Jude and then you meet a boy who's just like you…A boy who's been treated badly by the world, a boy that no one knows, that no one understands. A boy who's lost his way and is tired of trying and he gives up. completely. And he takes you down with him.

Beat. Beat.

Beat

Be-

….

**I've never written something so … i'm not even sure what to call it…. **


End file.
